


Try Again

by WellRoundedCowboy



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Bittersweet, Exes to Lovers, M/M, Mpreg, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Trans Jesse McCree, Trans Male Character, Trans Mpreg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-16
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-01-14 19:12:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18482596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WellRoundedCowboy/pseuds/WellRoundedCowboy
Summary: Hanzo drove away his one true love years ago, and has yearned to see him again ever since. One night, the man he's spent so long missing, Jesse McCree, shows up on his doorstep out of nowhere, heavily pregnant and asking to stay the night. After years of regretting his actions, Hanzo asks him to stay a while in hopes of reconciling with his lost love.





	1. Could I Just Crash Here Tonight?

Another day come and gone; another night to be spent alone. Yawning, Hanzo plated his chicken and rice and walked into his living room. It was one of those nights he couldn’t eat in his kitchen, lest the myriad of cowboy and western themed chotchkies in there drive him insane. He patted his dog as he passed her, who looked up from her water bowl as her master passed and followed behind him. The dog, a solid white akita inu, stood before Hanzo as he sat on the couch and flipped on the tv, bottle of sake on the coffee table. Licking her chops, she sat down before him, giving her begging puppy-dog eyes.

“Shiranui, you already ate dinner. And you’re not entitled to food every time you sit down for me.” Hanzo said, scrolling through Netflix.

Shiranui placed a paw upon her master’s thigh, smiling at the mention of food. “You aren’t entitled to food just because you gave me your paw, either.”

Shiranui jumped up onto the couch and laid beside Hanzo, resting her head on his leg, looking up at him with wide eyes. “You aren’t supposed to be on the couch, you know.” Hanzo said, browsing through the movies on tap.

Shiranui blinked, then licked her chops once more. Hanzo sighed, and ripped off a small portion of his chicken. “Oh, fine. But this is all you’re getting, little girl.” He fed the chicken to his dog, who happily ate it up, tail wagging a mile a minute. Cuddling up to his dog and eating dinner, Hanzo tried to resist the urge to watch yet another western. The only reason he wound up not watching The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly for the hundredth time was because he saw another movie was back on Netflix. The Big Lebowski. The instant he saw it, he selected it, sighing. He liked it well enough, but he hadn’t chosen it so much as he felt _compelled_ to watch it.

_It’s his favorite movie._

So Hanzo watched as Jeff Bridges tried to fix the problem that was his rug being soiled, all the while not really watching the movie so much as reminiscing about the good times he’d once had with his own cowboy. His own cowboy who used to quote this movie and had insisted once that they dress up as a couple of the film’s characters for Halloween. Not that Hanzo had been particularly into the idea himself, but it made his lover so happy, and that was all he needed. He still had pictures on his phone from that Halloween, and those smiles they’d shared had been sweeter than any candy. A bittersweet smile came across Hanzo’s face as he reached for his phone and began looking through those old photos.

Those memories of happier times. Hanzo reached for his bottle of sake and took a few generous swigs. He looked back to his phone, trying his hardest to to put himself back in those pictures as his eyes fell closed.

Out of nowhere, the doorbell rang, and Shiranui trotted over to it, barking. Groaning, Hanzo opened his eyes, looking around. The TV was back on the Netflix menu. He’d fallen asleep during the movie, because of course he would. Groaning, he checked the time. It was after ten at night; who the hell could that be? He stood from his couch, stretched, shut off the TV, and walked to the door as it rang again. “Whoever you are, this had better be good.” Hanzo grumbled. He gently pushed Shiranui to the side and opened the door, his jaw dropping when he saw who it was.

Jesse McCree, the cowboy himself, with two suitcases by his sides. Looking just as rugged, charming, and perfect as ever, if a few years older. He still had his favorite leather jacket, his favorite stetson, his favorite boots, his favorite jeans… It was all the same. Like almost nothing had changed about him aside from getting older.

Oh, that and the fact that he was pregnant.

VERY pregnant.

Like, “ready to pop at any second” pregnant.

Jesse stood there on the stoop, one hand supporting his back as the other rubbed his belly, which was exposed. His jeans couldn’t zip or button, and his shirt, which couldn’t even reach his popped-out belly button, was slowly riding up over his bump. Hanzo could see the baby inside moving. He could see a little foot repeatedly pressing out, kicking against the walls of what was far too small a space for it. Even with only the porch lights to provide visibility, it was clear what was an arm, what was a leg, and what was a head as the baby rolled, confined as it was.

“Hey.” Jesse said.

Hanzo’s eyes, wide as saucers, snapped back up to Jesse’s face from his belly. “H-Hey.” He stuttered, mouth suddenly dry.

“Do you think it’d be alright if I could just crash here tonight?” Jesse asked. “There’s no more busses ‘til morning, and I’ve got no place to go.”

It took a few seconds for Hanzo to register what had been said over the frantic beating of his own heart, and he quickly nodded. “Yes, of course. Come in, come in.” He reached for his ex-lover’s suitcases before he could do it himself. “Please, let me. You shouldn’t be carrying all this.”

Jesse gave a small smile and waddled inside the house. Hanzo followed behind him like a little puppy, his head swimming. Was this real? Was he still asleep on the couch, dreaming? Shiranui was quicker to respond than her master, sniffing the pregnant man all over, tail wagging. “Well hello there, baby. What a cutie you are.” The dog smiled as the new human pet her and scratched behind the ears. “I guess you finally went and got a puppy, huh?”

“Yes… Her name is Shiranui. You always had a way with dogs.” Hanzo said with a smile. Jesse and Shiranui getting along like two peas in a pod. He’d often had fleeting fantasies about how much his cowboy would have loved her, and getting to finally see it… Hanzo quickly shook his head and snapped out of his dazed state. He quickly put down the suitcases and guided the heavily pregnant man to the couch. “Please, please, have a seat. Get off your feet. Rest and relax.”

“I ain’t THAT pregnant, but my dogs could use a rest.” Jesse said. Shiranui followed her new friend, continuing to sniff him and his large tummy, and giving the exposed skin a few licks. Jesse giggled, warming Hanzo’s heart. “She’s a real sweetie. Leave it to you to pick out the teddy bear of the bunch, huh?”

“You look good, Jesse.” Hanzo said softly, completely missing what had been said.

He was elated when he received a smile back, even if it was only out of politeness. “You look good too. Somehow I’m not surprised you never moved outta this place.” Jesse said, looking around. “It looks like everything’s the same as when I left.” He looked back to Hanzo. “How’ve the years been treatin’ you?”

“They’ve been okay.” Hanzo lied. “I’m still working at the firm. I got a promotion a few years ago. Um… I adopted Shiranui.” Obviously he wasn’t about to admit to being unable to move on from this handsome cowboy, lest he sound pathetic. But it was probably obvious, wasn’t it? Hanzo cleared his throat. “So… Has anyone told you how fat you’ve gotten?” He chuckled awkwardly, hoping his joke wouldn’t wind up making the pregnant man angry.

Thankfully, it didn’t, as Jesse merely chuckled and patted his belly. “Nobody needs to tell me, I feel it every day, believe me.” He looked down to his bump, stroking it and watching as his baby moved, making the sphere warp and shift. “I guess things have been goin’ okay for me. Work’s gotten kinda slow. Seems like not many folks are in the market for an article from a freelancer lately, so I’ve just kinda been meandering around.” He winced and grunted as the baby kicked, an act Hanzo was able to see from how thin the skin around his womb was. “Yeah, I’m just getting ready for my li’l bundle of joy to make their big debut.” He chuckled.

“When are you due? You look like you should have burst by now.”

“This Saturday, actually. Six more days before I can see my feet again.”

“Is it a boy or a girl?”

“Dunno. I wanted to be surprised, so I never asked.”

Hanzo felt his heart begin to sink. A little bundle of joy, and he wouldn’t get to share in it. He’d always dreamed of the day he and Jesse would have a baby. Hell, the two of them used to fantasize about it together. Now Jesse was living that dream with someone else.

And Hanzo could only blame himself for it.

“I’m sure your boyfriend is happy beyond words.” Hanzo forced a smile as he spoke, his voice choking ever so slightly.

“Actually, the daddy ain’t in the picture.” Jesse said, leaning back against the couch and resting his head in his hand. “He didn’t want to be a father. He said I had to choose. It’s him or the baby.” He smiled down at his tummy, tapping the little foot pressing out toward his ex. “I think it’s clear which one I chose.”

Hanzo’s eyes went wide. Jesse was single? And pregnant? And more importantly single? Wait, no. That’s a very selfish thing to think. He and Jesse had broken up years ago. If there was a chance he’d be interested in rekindling their love, he’d have gotten in touch with him before just simply showing up on his doorstep.

Hanzo took a deep breath and stood from the couch. “I’ll put your things in the guest room. You remember where that is…?”

“Of course I do. I lived here too.”

Hanzo looked down to his feet and took a deep breath, nodding. “Yes, you’re right. Well, I imagine you want me to get out of your hair now. You must be tired, carrying all that weight around. I’ll just…” He picked up the suitcases and took a few steps back. “Put these away… And then go to sleep...”

“Oh. Thanks. It gets hard carryin’ those; not gonna lie.” Jesse said, looking down to Shiranui. “Good night, then.”

“Good night, Jesse.” Hanzo barely managed to croak out those few words. He walked down the hall and into the guest room, placing Jesse’s luggage on the bed. Wait, was that a good place to leave it? He’d have to move the suitcases before going to bed for the night, and he shouldn’t be doing any lifting in his condition. Berating himself for how inconsiderate he was, Hanzo moved the suitcases onto the dresser instead, then trudged to his own bedroom.

Simply undressing seemed to be a monumental task for how weary and drained Hanzo suddenly felt. After completing the herculean task of changing into his pajamas, he collapsed onto his bed, completely burying himself beneath his blankets. With any luck, he’d be able to sleep tonight.

Though he had a feeling he wouldn’t.


	2. When It All Went Wrong, Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A memory of Hanzo facing the consequences of his actions.

_It was almost two in the morning. Hanzo was drunk. He’d been listening to nothing but Adele, Coldplay, and Keane’s “Somewhere Only We Know” for what felt like years. Tears were streaming down his face. He was having trouble breathing for how hard he was crying. His breaths were shaky and shallow. His eyes were bloodshot, and his hair was a mess. His phone was in his hand, his other hand shaking as his finger hovered over the button to send the text. Drunk texting was never a good idea, this he knew, but right now he didn’t care. He’d been a terrible person, and he needed to apologize. That wonderful cowboy was the best thing that had ever happened to Hanzo; had made his life beautiful and worth living, and he needed to beg forgiveness from him._

 

_[Jesse are you getting this? I’m so sorry]_

 

_He saw the read receipt. Jesse had read his text almost immediately. Maybe there was someone looking out for Hanzo up in heaven, as Jesse was actually typing a reply._

 

_[its been how many weeks and youre apologizing now?]_

 

_Hanzo’s heart was aching. He could feel the scorn even through text. And it was scorn he very much deserved. There was no room for pride anymore. He had to be honest._

 

_[I should have sent this sooner and I’m so sorry. I was stupid and prideful. My damn ego didn’t want to admit I was wrong but I can’t pretend I don’t miss you anymore]_

 

_[coulda fooled me]_

 

_[What I said was horrible and I’ve finally realized that. I can’t say I’m sorry enough. I promise I’ll never behave that way again]_

 

_[:/]_

 

_To say Hanzo was panicking was a massive understatement. He needed Jesse back, surely as he needed food and water. So he kept typing._

 

_[I promise on my very life it’ll never happen again. I was an indescribable asshole. I never wanted to hurt you. I never meant what I said. I can’t apologize enough. You deserve so much better than what I gave you. Just please come home. I need you]_

 

_Hanzo’s breath caught in his throat when he saw that Jesse was typing a reply. His mind was racing with what might be said._

 

_[Poor little Hanzo, making it about how much YOU’RE suffering as usual. But you’re right. I do deserve better]_

 

_It must be possible for a heart to break twice. It was the only explanation for what Hanzo felt now. He had to go for broke. He had to put it all on the line. It was now or never._

 

_[I’ll do anything for you to take me back. I swear I’ll never treat you that way again. Just tell me what I need to do. I don’t care what it is. As long as we can be together again, I’ll do it]_

 

_Jesse had read the message, but wasn’t typing._

 

_[I need you]_

 

_Still nothing._

 

_[I love you more than anything]_

 

_He was reading all of them, but was saying nothing._

 

_[You make my life worth living]_

 

_Tears were streaming down Hanzo's face in an unending torrent as he typed, sniffling and sobbing desperately._

 

_[I will do literally anything for you]_

 

_[Should I be saying this in person?]_

 

_[Will you tell me where you are? I’ll find you and beg on my knees, I swear it]_

 

_[I know we can work through this]_

 

_[I just want us to be happy again]_

 

_[I want to make YOU happy again]_

 

_[Please let me make it up to you]_

 

_[I love you so much it hurts]_

 

_[I would die for you]_

 

_[Do you still love me?]_

 

_[Jesse?]_

 

_[Are you there?]_

 

_[Please don’t leave me]_

 

_[I’m begging you]_

 

_[I’m scared]_

 

_[Please don’t forget me]_

 

_[I’ll always love you]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first of several chapters which will provide background for the events of the fic, showing just what Hanzo did to drive Jesse away and how he came to regret his actions. Shorter than the previous chapter, I hope you enjoy it.


	3. The Offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unable to sleep, Hanzo steps out of his room to find that Jesse can't sleep either. After a bit of talking, Hanzo makes an offer he hopes his ex won't refuse.

Hanzo slowly opened his eyes. The memory wouldn’t stop replaying, vivid as though he were trapped reliving it, as it always was when it came to haunt him. The memory of that night he’d tried to apologize, only for Jesse to never reply. He’d waited months in hopes he’d get something, anything. Waited months for the reply that never came. 

Groaning, Hanzo sat up in bed and rubbed his eyes, sniffling. No, he can’t cry. He can’t. After everything he’d done to Jesse, waking him up in the middle of the night was the last thing he wanted to do. Hanzo wiped his eyes and looked around. Normally Shiranui would be curled up with her master, but no doubt she was snuggling up to his heart’s desire right now. Never before had Hanzo envied his dog more. He looked over at his alarm clock. 1:37 a.m. 

Sighing, Hanzo climbed out of bed and wiped his eyes once more, taking a deep, if shaking breath and decided he needed a drink. The bottle of sake he’d left in the living room should still have some left in it. The hangover would kill him at work tomorrow, but what better way to fall asleep than to get blackout drunk? 

As he slowly walked his way to the living room, Hanzo picked up on the sound of the TV playing at a low volume, and saw its screen lighting up the otherwise dark room. There he saw Jesse, leaning way back on the couch, feet up on the coffee table where sat a glass of warm milk, and rubbing his tummy as he watched. Or rather, tried to watch. He was resting in such a manner that Hanzo doubted he could see the screen over his huge mountain of baby. He certainly couldn’t see the cowboy’s face from where he was standing. His pajama top was almost entirely unbuttoned, save for the top two. The rest of the shirt was wide open, giving his beautiful belly room to breathe. In another time, Hanzo would have pounced upon the cowboy and smothered him and his baby in love and affection. Now all he could do was look. 

“Jesse?” Hanzo said quietly as he walked over to him. 

Jesse’s head managed to pop up over his belly, and the two made eye contact. “Oh, did I wake you?” He struggled to sit up, and Hanzo hurried over to help him, almost tripping on Shiranui, who was laying on the floor by the cowboy as he did. Good God, was Jesse heavy. 

 _This baby’s father must be an enormous man_. 

Once Jesse was sitting up again, he grunted and rubbed his back as he reached forward and grabbed his milk. “Thanks.” He said, sipping his drink. 

“What are you doing awake at this hour?” Hanzo asked, watching as his ex placed his glass on his belly. “You should be resting.” 

“I was tryin’ to sleep, but junior here ain’t ready for bedtime yet, and won’t let me sleep either.” As if to demonstrate, the baby dramatically kicked its leg straight up, creating a point from Jesse’s belly. It would have surely knocked over the glass of milk had Jesse not caught it. “See what I mean?” 

Hanzo was mesmerized by the display the baby gave, and watched as it slowly retracted its leg. It took a second to realize he was staring, and he quickly cleared his throat, blushing. “Ah, yes. I see. That’s a, uh, very active baby you have there. Very healthy. 

Jesse smiled. “You must be in heaven right now. You always got so excited at the thought of havin’ a baby. Some things never change, huh?” 

Hanzo looked down, gripping the sofa cushions tightly. It was one thing for Jesse to come here out of the blue, about to have a family when he knew it would be his ex’s dream come true, and it was another to taunt him for it. “Why did you come here, Jesse?” He asked, a bit sadder than he meant to sound. 

Jesse looked to Hanzo apologetically. “I’m sorry, I…” 

“Please, just tell me.” 

The pregnant man put his hands on his belly, twiddling his thumbs. “I’m on my way to see Gabe and Jack. You were on the bus route, and it’s been years, so I thought… Maybe it’d be nice to see you again. Do some catching up. See if you’ve been doing okay.” 

Hanzo’s heart almost stopped. Jesse hadn’t simply come by because he needed a place to sleep? He wanted to see if he was doing okay? He cared? It had been years since their breakup; maybe his anger had calmed.

 _Maybe he doesn’t hate me anymore_. 

Hanzo took a deep breath and looked at Jesse. “Jesse, could I… Could I ask something of you?”

Jesse raised his eyebrow as he gulped down the rest of his milk. “Well now that depends what it is you want.”

Hanzo looked down to the couch cushions, or more specifically at the hand Jesse had on them. It was now or never. “Stay here for more than just tonight. It’s been years; and I want to do more catching up than just what we’ve said tonight.” 

Jesse’s eyes went wide, then he shook his head and sighed. “Hanzo, please. Don’t make this awkward. I’m goin’ to see Gabe and Jack, remember? And I want to see them before the baby gets here.” 

“I know, Jesse. It’s selfish of me to be asking this, but just hear me out. If you’ll just stay with me for three- No, two days. Just two days of us catching up and spending some time together, and I’ll drive you up to Gabe and Jack myself. That’s all I ask.” 

Jesse gave it some thought for a second, mulling it over as he drummed his fingers on his belly. After what felt like an hour but was no more than ten seconds, he looked to his ex once more. “And what are you hopin’ to get outta this?” 

Hanzo folded his hands on his lap, and looked down to Shiranui on the floor, who looked back up at him. “It’s been so long, Jesse. You don’t love me anymore. I get that. You have every right not to.” He had to fight back the tears that threatened to spill over form his saying something so bleak, lest he look even more pathetic than he already felt. “All the same, I want to at least try to… To make it up to you. Not because I hope to win you back or what have you, but because I truly feel I owe you at least that much.” Hanzo looked up and looked into Jesse’s eyes, allowing him to see just how sincere he was being, how vulnerable he was making himself. “And, if I am being honest…” 

_I DO want to earn your love again._

“I just…”

 _I want to hold you tight and never let you go._  

“The thing is…”

_I want your smile to be the first thing I see when I wake up again._

“I want…” 

 _I want us to be happy together again._  

“I want my best friend back.”

 _Damn it._  

Not that Jesse hadn’t been Hanzo’s best friend in addition to his lover, of course. He’d been his friend before his boyfriend, after all. But after knowing the paradise that was Jesse’s romantic love, he didn’t want to have his platonic love without the former. He would take it if that was his only option, but the two were meant to go hand in hand, as far as Hanzo was concerned. 

Jesse looked unsure. “I dunno…” He thought for a second, eyes roaming around the room before settling back on his ex. “Let me sleep on it. And I’ll let you know in the morning.”

Hanzo gulped and nodded. “Of course. I… appreciate you giving me at least that much.” He stood from the couch and took the empty milk glass. “I’ll clean this up and leave you be.” 

“Oh no, I can clean up after myself.” Jesse insisted. He tried to lift his heavy body from the couch, but failed to immediately do so, and so Hanzo put a hand on his shoulder and gently held him down.

“Please, you’re the guest here, Jesse. And exercise will only keep the baby awake.” Hanzo passed him a tissue. “And here. For your milk mustache.”

Jesse blushed and took the tissue, wiping his upper lip with it. Hanzo walked into the kitchen and placed the glass in the dishwasher before quickly returning to the living room. His ex had turned off the TV, leaving the room in darkness, and was trying to lift himself from the couch. Naturally, he couldn’t simply stand by and allow Jesse to engage in such strenuous activity on his own, and he hurried over and helped him up. “Thanks.” Jesse sighed. “It’s a sad day when just getting onto your feet could be considered challenging.”

Hanzo gave a gentle smile. “Not necessarily. It’s only because your baby is healthy. It may be difficult, but it sounds like a good problem to have to me.”

To Hanzo’s delight and fluttering heart, Jesse returned his smile. “Yeah. You’re right. It’s a real good problem to have.” The two stood there, unsure what to say next and allowing an awkward silence to settle between them. The pregnant man cleared his throat and looked down to his belly. “Uh, the baby’s calmed down a bit, so I’m gonna try to sleep..”

“Yes, it’s getting late. And, um, if you need anything, anything at all, let me know, okay?”

The pregnant cowboy nodded. “Of course. Good night, Hanzo.”

“Good night, Jesse.” Hanzo looked to his ex’s belly and gave it a small wave. “And good night to you too.”

In that moment, Hanzo’s heart could have bursted, as Jesse gave him a large smile and the cutest little laugh. “The baby says good night to you too.” He chuckled. He turned and slowly waddled back to the guest room, leaving the other man staring longingly after him.

Hanzo sighed and walked back to his own room after a moment more of pining. Shiranui followed after her master, jumping up onto the bed beside him. He curled up under his blankets and looked to his dog, who stared back at him. “Why must life be so unfair, Shiranui?” Hanzo quietly asked. “Jesse comes back to me after all these years, and pregnant with another man’s child. This is my dream come true, and yet it’s also the worst scenario I can think of.”

Shiranui, being a dog, naturally said nothing, and merely blinked.

Hanzo sighed. “You’re right, I’m being an idiot. If anything the baby is a godsend. It’s what brought Jesse my way, after all. I finally have a chance to reconnect with him, even if it’s only as friends, and I owe that to the baby.” Hanzo gripped his sheets. “And yet, I can’t stop thinking about… About how that baby should be _mine_.”

Shiranui huffed and laid her head down, closing her eyes.

“Alright, alright, I’ll sleep on it. Good night, Shiranui.” Hanzo closed his eyes and tried to sleep again.

But sleep just wouldn’t come. Not when he was so caught up dreading what answer Jesse might give him in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shiranui has to put up with so much of Hanzo's angsting. 
> 
> Pray for her.


	4. Day 1: Hot Coffee and Scrambled Eggs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse decides to give Hanzo a few days together, and the two go out to get breakfast, talking about what's changed in the years since Jesse's departure, having a little fun the way they used to, and discussing how things have been for some of their loved ones.

It wasn’t even nine in the morning yet and Hanzo was already an anxious mess. He was pacing back and forth in the kitchen, cell phone glued to his ear while his teapot boiled on the stove. Shiranui, ever the good girl, was following him back and forth as he paced, her nails clicking on the tiles.

“We need to get your nails clipped. Remind me to make an appointment with the groomer.” Hanzo mumbled to himself.

Shiranui gave a happy bark, to which her master responded with a frustrated hush. “No barking! Jesse is still asleep! He needs his rest, pregnant as he is.”

The dog replied with a much quieter “boof” and Hanzo nodded in approval. “Much better.” He turned his attention back to his call when the associate he was waiting for picked up. “Stacey? It’s Hanzo. I know this is short notice, but something’s come up, and I need to work from home for a while... I don’t know, let’s say a week, to be on the safe side… Well, it’s rather personal, and I’d rather not discuss it… I know it’s inconvenient, but life’s just like that sometimes… I’ve always been reliable when working from home, haven’t I?... Yes. It’s _very_ important… Thank you, Stacey. I owe you one.”

Putting his cell phone away, Hanzo took a deep breath. Well, that was one thing down. Granted Jesse hadn’t said he’d stay with him those two days yet, but even if he didn’t Hanzo would probably be needing the week to get over his ex getting away from him once more.

Speaking of, the sound of the toilet flushing told him the pregnant man in question was awake, and he waddled into the kitchen, yawning and scratching his tummy. His pajama shirt was still open and exposing his bump, giving him access to scratch wherever his belly itched. Hanzo was grateful to see him again in better lighting, as it let him take in just how wonderful he looked, belly and all. “Good mornin’.” Jesse drawled with a sleepy smile.

“Good morning to the both of you.” Hanzo said as he took the whistling teapot off the stove and poured two cups. “Did you sleep well?”

“Well enough, I suppose. Even when the baby fell asleep, it ain’t easy gettin’ your beauty rest when you’ve got somethin’ so big and heavy attached to you.” McCree cradled his belly with one hand and pulled out a chair at the table with the other, and gingerly sat himself down. The chair loudly creaked beneath his weight, and Hanzo was momentarily paranoid it might collapse beneath him. “Hoo, this li’l guy’s gettin’ big. Sometimes I feel like I’m gonna pop before nature’s ready to take its course.” He chuckled.

Hanzo laughed along with him. “I can understand that. Your baby’s rather large. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s over eight pounds by the time it comes out.”

“Try nine. According to my doc, junior here blew past eight a while ago. Hell, at this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if it cracks ten pounds by the time I drop.” Jesse sighed and rubbed his belly in a large circle.

Hanzo choked, nearly dropping the teacups. “That’s… A big baby.” He gulped.

“You’re preachin’ to the choir on this one. I’m the one who’s gotta lug it around all day.” Jesse chuckled as he took the teacup handed to him. “Thanks for the tea. I miss coffee, but it turns out tea ain’t half bad.”

“I’d been telling you that for years!” Hanzo laughed. “It’s good to know you’ve finally realized I’m right, but it’s a shame it took you so long.”

“Hey, I said it ain’t bad, but coffee’s still better. I’ll fight you on that.” The pregnant man laughed, his belly bouncing as he did. His laughter was cut short by the breath being knocked out of him. “Baby’s up, and it feels like they’re pretty angry about being woken up so rudely.” He smiled to his bump, patting it softly. “Sorry, baby.”

Hanzo cleared his throat, blushing a little bit at how unfairly cute his ex was being, talking to his belly like that. “So, I was thinking we could go out for breakfast this morning. After that, we can…” He paused and shook his head. “I’m getting ahead of myself, I’m sorry. After that, I’ll take you to the bus terminal.”

Jesse leaned back in his seat, sipping on his tea laboriously slowly, perhaps delighting in the nightmare the other man was experiencing from not knowing what answer he would give. He set the teacup down on his belly, which wobbled and shook from the movements of the baby inside. “So I thought on your offer, and here’s what I decided. Today’s Monday, and the baby ain’t due ‘til Saturday. I’ll give you three days, including today. On Thursday, you drive me up to Gabe and Jack, like you said.”

Hanzo eagerly nodded. “Yes, of course.” He couldn’t stop his smile of excitement even if he tried. “Thank you, Jesse. I… I promise you won’t regret it.”

He was happy to see the pregnant man smile as well, though his was noticeably smaller. “We’ll see. For now, help me up. If we’re goin’ out to eat, then I better shower. Gotta call Jack and Gabe too.”

Hanzo was on his feet in a split second and helped the pregnant man to stand as well. If it was possible for a man and his fetus to get even heavier overnight, they’d found a way, or so it felt. He watched as his ex waddled off, and as soon as he was out of the room he gave Shiranui the biggest hug he could, kissing all over her head. “He said yes! Shiranui, he said yes!”

Happy for her master, Shiranui licked his face, panting and jumping happily as her tail wagged rapidly. She barked happily and hopped backward, shaking her butt playfully. “Don’t worry, honey. I’ll drop you off at your favorite doggy daycare on the way. You won’t have to stay here all alone. You can spend a nice day playing and having fun with your friends while daddy goes and tries to reconnect with Jesse. Maybe we can be friends again. Maybe, maybe we can even…”

Hanzo looked back to Shiranui and noticed her cocking her head. He sighed and plopped back into his chair. “Okay, so I’m getting ahead of myself. But this feels like the first time in years since our breakup that I’ve had any reason to feel hopeful about anything. I can’t stop myself from thinking this way. It’s not so wrong for me to hope… That he can be in my life again, is it? You can’t blame me for that, right?” The dog replied with a huff and plodded off. Her owner sucked in a deep breath and stood back up from his seat. “I suppose you’re right. I’m just being selfish.” Looking down at his feet as he walked with heavy, downtrodden steps, Hanzo walked to the pegs beside the front door and grabbed his pet’s collar and leash.

When Jesse returned from showering and calling Jack and Gabe, he found his ex sitting on the couch alongside his dog, giving her little smoochies and pets. “Havin’ fun without me?” He chuckled.

Hanzo looked over his shoulder. “Ready to go?” He asked, standing and prompting his dog to do the same.

“Yep. Is she comin’ with us? What’s she all dressed up for?” Jesse asked as he waddled over.

“We need to drop Shiranui off at her doggy daycare first. I can’t just leave my baby alone all day, after all.” Hanzo said, patting Shiranui’s head. He walked into the kitchen, quickly grabbed his keys, and held the door open for Jesse as he waddled past. He hurried ahead of the heavily pregnant man and opened the car door for him. “Do you need any help getting into the car?”

Before Jesse could reply, Shiranui hopped into the passenger seat and made herself comfortable, thus stealing the pregnant man’s place. “I guess she ain’t used to playin’ second fiddle, huh?” He laughed.

“Shiranui, no! Bad girl! You have to go into the back seat today!”

“No, it’s okay, Han. She shouldn’t have to break from her regular routine for me.” Jesse reached over and scratched Shiranui behind her ear.

“You’re forgetting that she isn’t nine months pregnant and seconds away from popping.” Hanzo pointed out.

“Yeah, well… That ain’t her fault.”

Hanzo whistled and Shiranui hopped out of the passenger seat. He then opened the door behind it and she hopped into the back seat. “Now then,” He said as he closed the door. “Do you need help sitting down?”

“Well, as much as I’d like to say I don’t, the baby’s heavier than you think, and this car’s lower than I remember.” Jesse sighed. Hanzo took hold of him and braced him while he lowered his gravid body into the seat, landing heavily. “Alright, we’re good here.” The pregnant man panted with a thumbs up.

Hanzo walked around the car and settled himself in the driver’s seat, the whole time thinking about what a strain such a heavy baby must be. If only it were possible, he’d take the weight off of him in an instant. “Alright, first stop is getting Shiranui taken care of.” He said. He pulled out of the driveway and began the familiar trip to the doggy daycare. The silence between the two was quickly becoming unbearable. “So…”

“So,” Jesse replied, looking out the window. “I see the neighborhood ain’t changed since I left. Everything looks exactly the same.” He turned his head and looked around the interior of Hanzo’s car. He popped open the glove compartment and pulled out an envelope. Inside, he pulled out an old birthday card. “Even this car ain’t changed. You’ve still got this card you were ‘gonna mail after work.’”

Hanzo blushed. “Yes, well… Life gets away from us sometimes.”

“My name’s on this card too, y’know. You never mailed it out, so I looked like a forgetful jerk too.”

“Not everything is the same around here.” Hanzo said, changing the subject. “The veteran at the end of the block? He sold his house a year ago, and now there’s a young couple living there. They just had a baby a few months ago.”

“Oh yeah? You know ‘em very well?”

“Not really. I came by to welcome them when they first moved into the neighborhood; helped them move in their furniture. Sharon up the street threw them a baby shower, and invited everyone on the block. I attended to be polite.”

“What was your gift?”

“A car seat. Nothing special. On top of the new family, Selma next door passed away two years ago.”

Jesse looked to Hanzo with wide eyes. “Selma died? How?”

“She was old, Jesse. It was just her time. Her family told me it was painless and peaceful, at least.”

“Who’s livin’ in her house now?”

“Her granddaughter and her husband.”

Jesse turned and looked out the window. “Poor Selma. She was such a nice gal. Lettin’ me borrow a cup of sugar every now and then. Remember when our pipes burst and she let us use her bathroom while they were gettin’ fixed?”

“She’ll be missed. But life goes on, and things haven’t remained as stagnant as you think.”

“I guess so…” Jesse turned and looked back out the window.

It was only a few more minutes before arriving at Shiranui’s regular daycare. “Here we are.” Hanzo said as he parked his car and turned to face his baby. “Are you excited to see your friends today, Shiranui? Are you excited?” The dog in question happily barked and wagged her tail while she fervently licked her master’s face, making him laugh. Hanzo kissed her back, and noticed Jesse smiling out of the corner of his eye. That smile that always melted his heart had stayed with him through the years, and after having been deprived of it for so long, he probably could have convinced his ex to rob a bank with nothing else. “Wait here, Jesse. I’ll only be a moment taking Shiranui inside, and I don’t want you to exert yourself too much.”

Jesse crossed his arms over his chest and pouted adorably. “I ain’t THAT pregnant, y’know.” As if to disagree with his statement, the baby took that moment to give a roll and a sharp kick, thoroughly deforming its father’s belly for the moment.

Hanzo chuckled. “I beg to differ. Just wait here. I’ll leave the car running.” He stepped out of his car and let Shiranui out of the back and held her back as she tried to run inside. “Heel, girl, heel!” He hurried through the process of signing his dog in as fast as he could go, but the receptionist naturally wanted to make idle chit chat, chatterbox that she was. He kept glancing out the window and looking at Jesse in the car. He _needed_ to get back to him. Finally, when he managed to get a word into the one-sided conversation, Hanzo made his excuses and pardoned himself from the conversation before hurrying back to the car.

The car must have gotten hot in Hanzo’s absence, as when he climbed back into the driver’s seat, he found Jesse had turned the air conditioning up to full blast. “Sorry to keep you waiting. The receptionist here is a chatterbox and gossip-monger of the worst kind.” He apologized.

“It’s fine. I could see through the window how uncomfortable you looked. You never did do well with those sorts of people.” Jesse said, rubbing his belly.

“I take it you got hot in here?” Hanzo asked as he pulled out of the parking lot.

“Yeah,” Jesse confessed with a sigh, “It ain’t even that hot, but it feels like I’m haulin’ around a furnace in my belly.” He patted his bump, and the baby responded with a large, visible roll that captured Hanzo’s attention while sitting at a red light. “Speakin’ of my belly, I gotta get some food in me before Junior decides to burst out and get some themselves. Where are we goin’?”

“The Empire Diner. You loved that place, if I recall correctly.” Hanzo said with a fond smile.

“Empire’s still open? Oh, thank God! I was afraid that place was gonna close.”

“They have a new owner now, and I hear they’re not having financial problems anymore.”

“I’m glad to hear it. Their pancakes are _fantastic_.” Jesse looked down to his belly, rubbing it happily. “You hear that, baby? You’re gonna have some nice, yummy pancakes for breakfast!” The baby kicked happily at the news, making the pregnant man laugh. Hanzo couldn’t stop himself from smiling, and embraced the warm feeling it gave him. Jesse had always been too cute for him to think straight, and pregnancy had only made him cuter.

Once at the diner, Hanzo parked in the closest space to the entrance that he could find, and hurried around to the passenger’s side and helped Jesse out. He panted and rubbed his back when he was finally standing, the ache upon his back almost palpable. “Thanks.” He panted, then began waddling slowly toward the entrance. Ever the gentleman and refusing to allow Jesse to exert himself in such a gravid state, Hanzo hurried ahead of him and held the door open for his pregnant ex. “Thanks again.”

There weren’t many other people in the diner, and so Jesse and Hanzo had their pick of where to sit. Though Jesse would have preferred to sit at a booth, the two sat at a table so he could move the chair back to accommodate his huge tummy. “Comfy?” Hanzo asked.

“As much as I can be, I guess.” Jesse said, stroking his wriggling belly. “I’m almost afraid this poor chair’s gonna break under my fat ass.”

“Now now, you’re not _that_ pregnant.” Hanzo chuckled, ignoring that he'd worried about the same thing earlier. The waitress came by with menus for the pair, but the two already knew what they wanted. Bacon, eggs, and toast for Hanzo, and pancakes and toast for Jesse.

“What I’d give for coffee.” Jesse sighed, leaning back in his chair. “But I ain’t supposed to have any. Last thing I need’s to have a baby on a caffeine rush inside my belly.”

“You could have ordered decaf.” Hanzo pointed out.

The pregnant man stuck out his tongue in a face of disgust. “Decaf tastes nasty.”

“They taste the same!”

“Well of course YOU’D say that. You’re no coffee connoisseur, unlike me.” Jesse said.

Hanzo couldn’t stop himself from chuckling. Same old Jesse, struggling without his coffee. “You’re right, I don’t know much about the finer points of coffee. But I think I know something that could take your mind off of it.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a quarter. “How about a nice game of table hockey? As I recall it, I owe you a beating.”

Jesse grinned deviously. “Bring it on, Han. It’s gonna take a bigger man than you to dethrone the king.”

Table hockey, or “the poor man’s air hockey” as Jesse had once described it, was pretty simple and straightforward. Slide a coin of some sort across the table with the goal of getting it past the other person. Get it past the other person, and you get a point. Games typically last until the food arrives, and whoever has the most points by then wins. Hanzo started off, sliding the quarter across the table as fast as he could, but Jesse slapped his hand down on the coin and stopped it dead in its tracks. He then slid it back, and Hanzo did the same. This continued back and forth until Hanzo scored the first point, with the quarter sliding off the table and landing on his ex’s baby bump. “Ha! That’s one for me already! What’s wrong, Jesse? Has the king gotten rusty?”

“You got lucky, punk. Just you wait.” The baby kicked sharply inside Jese’s belly, knocking the quarter onto the floor and making both men laugh. “Awww, the baby wants to play too!” The pregnant man laughed as he rubbed his bump.

“You should give them a chance. They can’t be any worse than you.” Hanzo said, poking out his tongue.

“Oh ho, I’m gonna make you eat those words.” Jesse vowed. He tried his best to lean over and pick the quarter up off the floor, but his swollen womb refused to allow such movement. As much as he grunted and struggled to reach down, he just couldn’t reach it.

Not wanting to see his heart’s desire struggle so, Hanzo quickly got out of his seat and picked up the quarter, then helped Jesse sit back up before he could fall out of his seat. “Are you alright?” He asked as he handed him the coin.

“Y’ain’t gotta ask me if I’m alright just because I had some trouble reachin’ down.” Jesse panted.

“You looked like you were going to fall out of your chair.” Hanzo chuckled, taking his seat once more.

Jesse blushed the slightest shade of pink, then gave the quarter a fast slide, getting it past his ex. “That’s one for me! Let’s see who’s gonna fall out of his seat now!”

When the waitress came with their breakfast, the score was 1 - 4, and Jesse was declared the winner. “HA! And so the king’s reign continues!” He declared triumphantly.

“I was going easy on you,” Hanzo claimed as he slid the quarter back into his pocket. “You’re too pregnant to go bending down picking up coins. You would have been sent into labor if I’d actually tried.”

“Whatever’s gonna help you sleep tonight, Babe.”

Hanzo felt his heart momentarily stop. Jesse had called him “babe”.

Just like he used to…

“So,” The pregnant man began as he poured syrup onto his pancakes, “How’s Genji doin’?”

At hearing the question, Hanzo’s mind was immediately thrown back to the accident, and his grip on his silverware tightened. Just for a second, before he brought himself back to reality. Reminded himself that his brother was okay.

“He’s doing fine. Do the two of you not keep in touch anymore?” Hanzo asked as he cut into his eggs.

Jesse shook his head and swallowed his bite of food. “Not really. We send each other the occasional meme or funny video, but it’s been a while since we’ve really talked.”

“I see.” Hanzo looked down to his food, wondering if his driving Jesse away had impacted the friendship he’d had with Genji. They’d been good friends once. Was their drifting apart his fault? If it was, then that was just another way he’d hurt the two people he loved most. He looked back up to Jesse. “He’s still in physical therapy, but he’s doing much better. He’s going out and living life again. He’s gotten used to his new prostheses, though he still gets phantom pains from time to time. And yet, he’s managed to return to his old self, despite everything.”

Jesse smiled. “Good to hear. Good ol’ Genji back in the clubs throwin’ back jello shots and makin’ it rain on strippers.”

Hanzo felt his heart swell with pride, and he gave his ex a wide smile. “Actually, no, not anymore. He’s grown up from that. He’s decided he wants to be a physical therapist, and he’s training to become one.”

The look of surprise on Jesse’s face was involuntary, and yet he seemed happy to hear this news. “Really?”

“Yes. He said he wants to help people who’ve been in his situation; help them pick themselves up, help them out of whatever depression they might be feeling, and learn to live their lives again. To realize that injury doesn’t mean they’ll never be the same. His own physical therapist is helping him.”

“I’m glad to hear that. The old Genji was just kinda driftin’ his way through life. I’m glad he was able to take such a bad situation and turn it into somethin’ good.”

“I am too. I’m very proud of him.” Hanzo took a sip of his coffee. “So… How’s Gabriel doing?”

Jesse took a deep breath before answering. “He’s doin’ fine, actually. Went into remission about a year and a half ago, and his doctor says he’s lookin’ good.”

“That’s wonderful. Was chemo very rough on him?”

“No more than anyone else, I’d say. It was the typical side-effects, y’know? But he took it like a champ.” Jesse chuckled as a fond smile crossed his face. “He started losin’ his hair after… I think it was his second chemo session? Anyway, when his hair started fallin’ out, he went and just got it all shaved off. The next day, Jack comes home with a set of clippers and he says ‘Gabe, if you’re gonna lose your hair, then I’m cutting mine off too.’ And Gabe says to him with this big smile, ‘That’s really sweet and I appreciate the thought, but you could’ve saved your money. Just give yourself a month and you’ll be as bald as I am!’”

Hanzo had to cover his nose as his coffee threatened to shoot out. “Ouch! Was he at least nice enough to give him an ice pack after that burn?”

“He didn’t need to. Jack laughed right along with him. I think he was just glad Gabe could still laugh and have a sense of humor.”

“If anyone could go through chemotherapy and come out the other end with his humor intact, it would be Gabriel.”

“Yeah…” For a moment, Jesse was staring out the window, his mind off somewhere else. Then he looked back at Hanzo and smiled. “I’m proud of him. He was given a diagnosis everyone’s afraid of getting, and he never let it slow him down. And when it did, he made the most of it. Used his time off from work to relax and just sorta… Take a step back from things. Remind himself what life’s all about and look at everything he’s got. Something all of us need to do, I think.”

“He’s a good man, Gabriel. When you see him next, tell him I said I’m happy for him, would you?”

The look of skepticism that Jesse wore was enough to cause a sense of worry. “No offense, Hanzo, but I think you’re one of the last people he’d want to hear congratulations from. You get it, right?”

A pit suddenly appeared in Hanzo’s stomach, and he felt his heart almost physically sink. “No, I understand. Nevermind, then.” He slumped back in his chair. Gabe had liked him once, back in the day. He’d said that he was glad his son had found a good man like Hanzo; that he knew he was in good hands and didn’t have to worry. Back when it seemed like he and Jesse would be together forever.

Back when everyone was certain they’d one day be married.

After a few moments of silence, Hanzo took a deep breath and sat up straight again. Would it be a good idea to remind Jesse of how sorry he was? To reiterate how much he hated himself for his behavior? Or would he be opening old wounds for no reason? Would he just remind his ex of why he’d left and wind up pushing him away again?

Hanzo couldn’t bear the thought.

Well, if nothing else, he could celebrate that Gabriel was doing better these days. So Hanzo raised his cup of coffee. “To Gabriel and Genji. May they remain healthy for decades to come, and live long and happy lives.”

Jesse smiled and raised his own glass. “To Gabe and Genji!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the chapter delay; life went off the rails a bit. As usual, you can check me out over on wellroundedcowboy over on tumblr


	5. When It All Went Wrong, Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A memory of what Hanzo made Jesse put up with.

_ His throat was burning from the whiskey, his eyes were red, and everything felt numb, even though his arm had finally healed and the neck brace had come off at long last. The bags beneath his eyes were dark and heavy. The tv was on but he wasn’t paying attention. No, he was just staring through it, lost in his thoughts. His hair was a mess, as he hadn’t yet showered that day, despite the fact that it was late in the afternoon now, and he was wearing the same pair of pajamas he’d been wearing for a solid week. Hanzo didn’t care, though. He couldn’t muster the will or the energy to do such things like shower, put on some laundry, brush his teeth, and so on. All that mattered right now was that this whiskey could possibly take him away from here. Or make him forget what had happened. _

_ He was pulled from his stupor by Jesse sitting beside him and wrapping his arms around him, kissing him on his greasy cheek. “Hey, hon. Have you been sittin’ here all day?” _

_ Hanzo said nothing, only gave a single, slow nod and took another swig from his bottle.  _

_ “Okay, let’s put this off to the side.” Jesse grabbed his boyfriend’s bottle of whiskey, trying to take it from him. He had to wrestle a little bit for it, but he managed to get it out of Hanzo’s hands, and he placed it off to the side as his lover gave a small whine. “How about we get you a shower, babe? It’ll make you feel a little better.” _

_ “Nothing will make me feel better.” Hanzo mumbled, his voice hoarse. _

_ “Well, maybe it won’t solve everything, but it feels much nicer to be clean, right? C’mon, I’ll help you wash your back and everything.” Jesse stood and took hold of Hanzo’s arms, trying to pull him to his feet. But Hanzo didn’t even try to get up, and instead only acted as deadweight. Jesse huffed in frustration. “C’mon, Hanzo. At least TRY and work with me.” _

_ “What’s the point? It won’t affect anything…” _

_ Frowning, Jesse sat beside Hanzo once more and pulled him into his arms. “I know you’re hurtin’. It’s painful. But sittin’ around and moping like this won’t change anything either. And more than that, it ain’t what Genji would want. He’d want you to try and keep livin’ your life; not for you to stay inside for days on end and drown yourself in booze. All you’re doin’ is hurtin’ yourself, hon. And by hurtin’ yourself, you’re hurtin’ the rest of us, too.” He pulled back and took Hanzo’s head into his hands, guiding him to look at him, caressing his cheek as he gave him a gentle smile. “If you won’t do anything else, will you at least shower and change into some clean clothes? Would you do it for me?” Hanzo said nothing, and averted his eyes from his boyfriend. Frowning, Jesse tried again. “Would you do it for Genji?” _

_ At that, Hanzo looked to Jesse again, and slowly nodded. “Alright. For Genji.” It took a little help thanks to the alcohol in his system, but Hanzo managed to stand upright and walk into the bathroom.  _

_ “You get into the shower,” Jesse said, turning on the water as Hanzo undressed, “I’ll get you from fresh underwear and some clean clothes.” _

_ “Thanks, Jesse.” Hanzo mumbled. _

_ Before he left the room, Jesse looked to his boyfriend one last time. “Hanzo? I love you.” _

_ But Hanzo didn’t have the strength or the energy to say any more words. As he leaned his head against the cool tile wall while waiting for the water of the shower to warm up, he merely nodded. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jesse leaving the bathroom.  _

_ The sound of the shower running in his ear meant he could never be sure, but he thought he heard Jesse sighing. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, SO sorry for the wait for this chapter. Life's been... Messy lately. I feel bad that y'all waited so long for a chapter so short, but at least I'm getting work done, I guess. Thank you so much for the patience; you have no idea how much it means! ♥


	6. Midnight Longing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanzo wakes up from his nightmare and tries to stop himself from setting himself up for more heartbreak.

Hanzo’s eyes blinked open and he looked over to his clock. Almost 1:30 in the morning. Groaning, he rolled away from his clock and pulled his blanket up over his head. The memories were getting worse. He had hoped that Jesse’s presence would alleviate them at least a little, but apparently having his heart’s desire so close and yet so far out of reach only exacerbated them. Briefly, he wondered if Jesse ever found himself reliving these memories too, or if he was the only one of the pair who suffered this way. After a moment’s contemplation, Hanzo got out of bed, carefully so as to avoid waking Shiranui, and decided to see if perhaps Jesse was awake during the night once more.

Just like the night before, Hanzo walked into his living room to find on the couch in front of the tv once again. Only this time he wasn’t even awake. The pregnant man was lying on the couch fast asleep, the tv still on at a low volume, shirt partially unbuttoned and belly sticking out like the night before. 

_ At least one of us is sleeping. _

Hanzo quietly walked over to Jesse, kneeling down before him. He took a second to admire his features in the light given by the tv. Internally sighing, Hanzo grabbed the remote off the coffee table and shut off the tv, leaving the room dark. He then looked back to his ex. The couch wasn’t the best place for someone so heavily pregnant to sleep, but he couldn’t carry Jesse back to the guest room either. Waking him up was out of the question. Jesse had sat out here because he couldn’t sleep the night before; so surely the reason he was here now was the same. If he woke him up, there was no guarantee that he’d be able to go back to sleep again.

It seemed Hanzo had no choice but to leave him there for the night, as much as he didn’t like the idea. If nothing else, he could at least try to make it more comfortable. He quickly left the room and made a beeline for the linen closet, then returned with a few things he thought might make Jesse more comfy. First he placed a couple of pillows beneath his head, as gently and slowly as any human could be. After, he draped a nice, thick, soft and fluffy blanket over him, pleased to see that it covered the entirety of his gravid form. The living room could be chilly at night, and the absolute last thing anyone wanted was for Jesse to get sick because his shirt’s failure to cover his pregnancy left his belly exposed. 

Once Hanzo was certain that Jesse could be comfortable, he took a moment to just… Sit beside him on the couch and watch him sleep for a while. He looked so at peace, so serene and happy. Like nothing in the world troubled him at all. 

_ He looks like an angel. _

Oh, how Hanzo had to fight himself to keep from petting Jesse’s hair, or stroking his jaw. He could easily sit there all night, just watching him sleep. What might he be dreaming of? What his baby might look like? What toys they might like? Maybe he was dreaming of teaching them to ride a bike? Or perhaps his dream was simply to hold his baby in his arms?

But then Hanzo felt his heart begin to sink as darker thoughts crept into his mind. What if he’s dreaming of his ex, the one who impregnated him? What if he was dreaming of being together with him again as they raised their baby? Did he want to be a family with him? 

Taking a deep breath, Hanzo stood from the couch and trudged back to his room. He tried climbing back into bed in a way that wouldn’t wake his dog, but she awoke anyway, raising her head to look at her master. “I’m sorry, girl. I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m just… A little sad right now.”

Shiranui blinked in response.

“Well, the thing is… I can’t stop thinking of how Jesse’s having a family now. I spent so many years dreaming of the day we could have a baby together, and now Jesse’s living that dream without me, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I know I have no right to be so selfish; I know that this is my punishment for being so cruel and driving Jesse away in the first place… But I’m only human, and I can only take so much pain. Even if I brought it on myself.” 

Shiranui sneezed.

“Perhaps. I need to stop thinking about this in terms of us possibly reconciling. I’m trying not to; I’m trying to think about us simply being friends again. But my heart won’t stop screaming at me. I’ll try to rein it in.” Hanzo patted his dog on her head and curled up beneath his blankets. “Good night, Shiranui.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof, another short one. Sorry again!

**Author's Note:**

> This is part one of a series to tide folks over until my main fic is back on track. It's supposed to be a bit more bittersweet than my usual stuff, so I hope you enjoy.


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